Sleep? I think not!
by DarkHybridChild
Summary: [Crackfic. Ingame, sorta. OOC.] This is what happens when our blond hero discovers his roommate is a bedhog. Things get worse when he tries to get even and they both end up acting like kids.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own FF7 or any of it's offspring. It all belongs to Squaresoft/Square-Enix. All Characters are copyrighted to Tetsuya Nomura. -sobs- No fair! 

**Title** Sleep? I don't think so!  
**Catagory:** Final Fantasy VII  
**Genres:** Humor, Crack, fluff, generalness  
**Rating:** K/T? Probably K+.  
**Notes:** Pure crack for all you crack-whores. This idea popped into my mind when me and my big sister Niomi were discussing yaoi and stuff. We were also talking about the cliche's people write and so.. This is to defy the cliche's and amuse my fellow crack-whores while providing humor-relief to the angsty FFVII world. XD;; Dedicated to you, Niomi! XD;  
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_"WHAT?"_ Yuffie screeched angrily. Cloud stared at her impassively. They had taken a break on their journey, a side-trip if you will, and they came to stop in a small quiet town. They made their way to an inn, and, being a little low on money (having used most of their gil for upgrading their weapons and buying items) they had to double up rooms.

The girls got their own room, with one queen bed. Cloud figured both petite girls could fit in it easily enough. He bought another room for Cid and Barret, two seperate beds, and Red XIII and Cait Sith agreed to room with them. That left him and Vincent rooming together. One bed as well.

Obviously Yuffie didn't like the idea and was protesting. With a sigh and a mental eyeroll Cloud answered. "Well if you'd like to buy yourself another room with your gil that you've stolen, be my guest. Other than that, shut up and be grateful I used what little we had to get this much."

His reply sent the Ninja girl of Wutai stuttering in indignance and shock. Sure she had annoyed him and he treated her cold, but that was a little _too_ harsh...

The girl stomped her foot angrily, but didn't say anything else. Tifa stepped forward and took the room key from Cloud and began to lead Yuffie towards the stairs.

With that, the others took their key from Cloud and followed in persuit towards their own room. Cloud sighed heavily, shaking his head and running a hand through his long, spiky blond hair.

Vincent quietly stared at the blond, brows forrowing for a moment, wondering briefly what was troubling the blond, before it was answered a moment later. He pushed off of the wall he was leaning against. "Cloud," He murmured, breaking the other male of his self-depression.

Cloud looked towards the long, dark haired gunner and nodded, moving to stride down the hall and towards the stairs where all the others had gone. Vincent followed quietly at his own pace, climbing the stairs after the blond to the third level before walking past the blond who held the door of the hall open and then stopped, waiting for Cloud to once again take the lead.

30 years of sleep and some habits were hard to be forgotten. Following the person deemed the leader, or whatnot. Obeying orders. Well, most of them. Cloud passed him and continued striding down the hall towards their room. Cloud stopped at one of the doors and took the key in his hand and put it in the lock and unlocked the door, before holding it open for him.

Vincent nodded his thanks quietly and walked in, taking a look around. For something cheap, it was decorated fairly nice. The dark haired male quietly set his bag in one of the chairs and unbuckled the belts from around his thighs which holstered his gun and set it on the table next to the chair.

Cloud looked slightly surprised at the action as he set his own bag down and slowly eased the large Buster Sword off of his back. The blond stretched long, standing up on their tiptoes, stretching as hard as they could. He was rewarded with a few pops from his bones, before he eased himself out of the stretch.

After doing that, the blond worked to take off all of his equipment and armor. He stripped himself down to just his Soldier outfit and then sat down and took off his boots, before sighing a little.

Vincent quietly worked in the same manner, easing himself down into a chair to take off his boots, and unhook random belts and buckles along his own outfit, but did not remove his cloak. Cloud could understand that, they all had their securities.

Cloud looked around the room. There was a fairly large, plush chair, several wooden chairs around a small table, and the single, queen sized bed. With an inward chuckle, the makeshift leader rummaged around in his bag before pulling out a small spare set of clothes. "I'm going to take a bath," He murmured as he stood up and walked across the room towards the bathroom.

The other nodded silently and looked around the room again. The door to the bathroom closed and he heard shuffling around until the water was turned on. Crimson eyes closed briefly as Vincent sighed quietly.

Vincent looked towards the bed. This was going to be interesting. Of course, both Cloud and he were used to rooming with someone else. Sharing a bed, however... Vincent wasn't sure. Of course they'd keep to their own side, but, with a queen-sized bed, it may not be enough room...

Vincent quietly began to unhook the various buttons and buckles on his outfit as he slowly stripped down. He dug around in that small bag he had and took out another, less tight, black bodysuit. He slid it on and zipped it up the back. He didn't remove the cloak yet. He would save that for last.

A little while later Cloud stepped out wearing standard issue Soldier sleeping pants and a baggy longsleeved shirt. The blond's eyes were half-mast, showing how exhausted the leader really was. He didn't even look the slighest bit surprised when he saw Vincent's change in attire as he set his usual clothes by his bag and fished around in said bag for several moments. Cursing softly, the blond sighed.

Vincent's brow rose. "Something wrong?" He questioned. Cloud shrugged lightly. "Tifa has the toothpaste I bought, so I can't very well brush my teeth with just a toothbrush now can I?" He said wryly. The other's reply had a light chuckle come from the dark, usually silent gunman.

"I suppose not," He replied before standing up. "We should rest now. You look worn," The other's mako-blue eyes disappeared behind closed lids for a moment before sliding back open as the blond nodded in silent agreement.

Vincent slowly undid the clasps on his cloak and set it carefully across the chair before gliding smoothly over towards the bed. Cloud wearily followed. Going around to the right side, Vincent eased the covers back in a way that no human usually could do. For it made not a wrinkle in the bed at all.

Cloud figured briefly in his sleep-hazed mind that it was a habit from being a turk. They did everything effeciantly and thorough. Perfect, nearly. He ungracefully undid his side of the bed and flopped into it without a care, not catching the shock written across the gunman's face as he pulled his side of the covers up and shifted onto his side by the edge.

The other slide in on his side and pulled the covers up over himself, smoothing out all the wrinkles and tucking in stray edges and corners, before reaching over to his bedside lamp and turned it off. Cloud did the same and turned his off.

The room was now illuminated by the light of the moon. Cloud's eyes fluttered and closed. Within several moments, he was out. Vincent knew the other was exhausted, but to fall asleep so quickly...

The blond would get sick if he kept on like that. With a slightly heavy sigh, the dark-haired male cast aside the thought and cleared his mind as he too let his eyes close. He could only hope the nightmares didn't come tonight.

Cloud slept fitfully, not single nightmare to plague him. Which was very rare on the ocasion. He would've slept on dreamlessly had it not been for the sudden movement that had awoken him.

With a shock, his mako-blue eyes flew open and his head snapped over in the opposite direction. His jaw nearly dropped. Vincent, instead of the position he had fallen asleep in, was now sprawled out across the bed, hair spread out in a mess, legs kicked out and one of them was dangling off of the bed while the other was pushing against his own restlessly. His clawed arm was also pressing against him and Vincent's good hand was thrown over his eyes.

Never had Cloud thought he'd see such a sight. Especially from Vincent, of all people!

The dark gunner shifted around some more, eventually shifting his body more towards Cloud, invading his space, and, had the nerve to pull Cloud's pillow over to lay on it!

Gaping like a fish, Cloud watched all of this. Vincent, the Vincent Valentine, was a bed-hog. Of course, Cloud could pin this on several reasons, but his mind was still too sleep-ridden to really wrap around those thoughts. So all he could get through his brain was_ 'Vincent's a bed-hog.'_

Sure enough, as if to prove this fact even more, when the male rolled onto their side, he took most of the covers off of Cloud as he rolled up into them like a cocoon.

Stunned, Cloud's gears in his brain slowly started turning as he finally registered beyond Vincent being a bed-hog. Now he could see the reasons as to why he was. Vincent slept in a nearly air-tight, small, no-room-to-move-at-all coffin for thirty years! He couldn't blame him for wanting the space, but not when he was in it, too! It could also have been that Vincent was always a bed-hog, despite his training as a Turk.

Cloud's eyes narrowed a little.

This was war.

Grabbing the edges of his side of the blanket, he deftly yanked them and pulled them back over himself, making a briefly annoyed look cross the other's face. Now came the harder parts.

Cloud reached over and slowly began to ease his pillow back towards him. What he didn't expect, let alone think of, Vincent moved with it, therefore taking more of the space from the middle and began invading his side! Vincent rolled onto his left side and brought his hand up to cling to the pillow, snuggling deeper into it.

Cloud's brows furrowed a little. Alright, he decided silently. He can have the pillow, he'll grab the other pillow Vincent discarded. Reaching across the other's head, he grabbed it. Only for the other to roll back onto his back and trap not only the pillow, but his hand too!

Now this created an even bigger dilemma. One, Vincent had both pillows. Two, he took some more of Cloud's blanket, and three, his hand was stuck!

With a frustrated growl, Cloud decided it was time for drastic measures. He began shoving Vincent back over with his body as he tried to pry his arm out from under the man.

This worked, yet didn't. Yes, he moved Vincent back over, but too much so that his arm was even farther under said male. Cloud let out a quiet groan of frustration. But before he could do anything else, the male moved and rolled again--right ontop of him.

His jaw dropped, eyes widened and he tensed up, unable to move, let alone barely breathe. The older males head pillowed between his neck and shoulder and nuzzled against him, letting out a sigh of comfort as his hand clutched the fabric of his shirt.

Cloud's heart started pounding. This wasn't good! What if Vincent woke up to see this? He desprately tried to think of something to get the other male off of him and slowly decided to ease him off by rolling. Slowly, he moved his hand up to the gunner's shoulder and slowly began to push him off as he started to twist his body.

He succeeded in getting him off of him, but this came with another problem. Vincent was still clinging onto him, and now they were so closed together their bodies were nearly touching and Vincent's face was still burried in the crook of his neck.

With another sigh of frustration, the blond decided he'd had enough anf gave up. He moved his arm down and grabbed the covers--which were still wrapped around Vincent, and wrestled them free and drapped it over himself. He moved and grabbed one of the pillows and stuck it under his head.

With a sigh of resignition, he quietly grumbled, "Alright, bed-hog, you win."

His eyes closed and failed to see the nearly triumphant look pass over the other's features.

Cloud closed his eyes again and fell back asleep.

He didn't know when it had happened, nor could he possibly hope to try to remember. The next thing he remembered was his body meeting the hard, cold floor.

His eyes shot open like the world was ending and bolted upright, in a fighting position. However, he soon realized just iwhat/i had happened and scowled unhappily. Vincent was now in the spot he had once been, snuggled into the warmth like there was no better place to be. Cursing and grumbling all the way, he slowly walked around to the other side and crawled in. This time, HE moved to the middle of the bed and hogged both of the pillows. He'd see how the other liked that!

Closing his eyes with a triumphant look, he soon let himself fall back asleep.

What neither expected, nor did they even know how it happened; when morning came and they woke up, both of them had wide eyes. Somehow, their bodies managed to criss-cross during the night, and body parts and limbs were scattered hapazardly all over the bed. Vincent somehow had moved and was drapped across Cloud's middle, his head down towards one of the corners, with a pillow and alot of the covers bunched down there. Cloud made use of his right leg and used it as a make-shift pillow, and his right leg was on the other side of his head, while the left was slung to the other corner of the bed.

When they both regained enough senses and conciousness, they both sprang up from the positions they were in and stared at one another with wide-eyes. "Bed-hog!" Cloud accused. Vincent smirked. "Could say the same thing for you." He countered.

"Only because you drove me out of the bed last night, so I decided to get even." He said. Vincent chuckled a little. "Looks like it didn't work much," Cloud sighed, running a hand through his even more untamed blond locks. "Guess not,"

Before the dark haired male knew what was coming, or what had happened, he was suddenly whacked in the face by a pillow. The blond haired, mako-blue eyed Ex-Soldier was grinning triumphantly. "That's what you get," He said smugly.

Widened crimson eyes blinked, slowly comprehending it. With lighting fast moves of training, he had grabbed the other pillow and returned the gesture. "I don't think so," He muttered back. With that challenge, the blond leapt into action, swinging his pillow with utmost skill, making the other dodge and return fire. Of course, neither were sure exactly _what_ they were doing, but it had amusing side-effects. Especially when Vincent managed to hit Cloud square in the head and made the pillow burst open, feathers falling out of the lining and covering the blond's head.

"Now you really look like a baby chocobo has roosted on your head," He murmured amusedly. With a battle cry, the blond leapt and tackled the other male and beat him with the pillow senselessly until it too exploded all over the two of them.

When one of the feathers landed on Vincent's nose, causing him to go cross-eyed, the blond started laughing. So hard, he fell backwards off of the male and onto his back on the floor. With a pained groan, and more laughing, the other peered down to look at the grown male with amusement sparkling in his crimson eyes.

Unable to stop the wild, goofy grin on his face, Cloud shrugged and pushed himself into a sitting position. "Damn, now we're out of pillows." He said.

Vincent's hand curled around something else. "So?" He questioned. "So now I can't continue getting my revenge!" The blond replied. Moving with his fast speed, Cloud found himself back on his back when the covers of the bed whacked him hard.

With another battle cry, the blond leaped up and grabbed the sheet and returned fire. Eventually somehow, they got it switched around and Cloud had the quilt and Vincent had the sheet. Not going to let the blond have the upperhand, the male pounced off of the bed, straight for the blond and whapped him good and hard in the face. However, newton's law came into play. For every action, there's a reaction.

And this was the fact that Vincent's body collided with Cloud's and they both went falling to the floor, tangled in covers and sheets, with Vincent ontop of Cloud once again.

"Doesn't this seem familliar somehow?" Vincent asked after they managed to pull the covers off of their faces. Cloud looked up at the other, body tensing as he nodded. "Yes, it does..." He agreed. "Like when you rolled on me last night!" He said, before shifting the tables and rolling them so he was over Vincent. "Hah, take that!" He cried triumphantly.

Vincent's eyes widened and before he could even react or reply, another voice cut through.

"What in the world are you two _doing?_"

Cloud's head snapped to the door. It was Tifa's voice calling through it. A fine red blush spread across his face as he suddenly realized how childish they were being.

"You two had better not be doing what it sounds like you're doing!" Yuffie's voice rang. To this, both Cloud and Vincent's eyes widened, and if possible, Cloud blushed more before jumping back off of Vincent.

"It's nothing!" He called loudly. He heard Yuffie snort, "Nothing my ass," He heard her murmur.

Untangling himself from the covers, Vincent stood up. Cloud nodded at him and he went to his bag where his clothes were and scooped them up and walked to the bathroom to change once again. Vincent sighed, before resigning himself to do the same.

Once they were respectively dressed, the looked at the mess the bed and half of the room was in. Cloud picked up the sheet and blanket and tossed it back on the bed. Vincent picked up as many of the feathers as possible and disposed of them in the trash.

With a sound that seemed almost like a giggle, the gunner looked up at Cloud with an arched brow. "You've still got a feather in your hair," He pointed out, motioning to the left side of his hair. Reaching up, and feeling around, his hand grasped around the soft down and pulled it out, throwing it too away.

Once finished with that, they both made their way over to where they sat their items and began putting those on. Vincent strapped his gun to his thigh again, putting on all of the other accessories he owned. Cloud strapped his shoulder guard on, adding his belt and suspenders, before pulling his gloves on, and strapping that god-awful long and heafty Buster Sword to his back.

Once that was done, the finished putting their respectful clothes into their bags and picked them up. Walking to the door, Cloud stopped. Vincent's brow arched. "That was the most fun I've had in a long time," He admitted quietly. He turned to Vincent and looked up at him. "If we have to room together again, I'm making sure I buy seperate beds." He said. Vincent smirked. "And if you can't afford it?" He questioned.

The blond smirked. "Then you can probably expect this to happen again," He replied. With a slight chuckle, the gunner shook his head. But when the blond opened the door to their room, both of their features were schooled into their normal state.

When they got down stairs, Tifa was looking at the two of them oddly and Yuffie was giving them what she thought was a knowing look. Briefly, the two of them exchanged glances as they made their way over. "'Bout damn time!" Cid huffed.

Cloud shrugged indifferently. "Let's go eat and then we'll leave," He ordered. Most of them were happy to comply and marched towards the door. Briefly as he and Vincent exited, they both heard a nearly ear piercing scream. They both looked at one another and smirked.

The poor Inn-maid probably had a heart-attack at the state of the room.

With nothing else needed to be said, they both followed after the others to go find some breakfast.

**Owari.  
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Bwahahaha! Here's to the nearly non-existent Valenstrife/Strifentine that's in there. Wasn't meant to be yaoi, but as I told Lori and Niomi "Not meant to be yaoi, but certain things might happen to put them in compromising positions..." XDDD SOO.. Yeah. I was tired of all the "Vincent (Or Cloud) sleeps stock still in the same position all night whenever he rooms with someone." Cliche's and so I took it upon myself to DEFY THE CLICHE! And it had humorous results: Them both acting way OOC like children. XD;; So anyway, yeah. Hope you liked it! -squees-


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